Tuesday, September 2, 2008

How to Stay Well and not Break Bones, That is the Question

My husband recently started a new job. This means many things: better hours, the chance to learn a trade, increased income, and the opportunity for job satisfaction. It also means that our family will be without medical benefits for the duration of his probationary period with the new company. I have applied for interim coverage for the kids, but that won’t kick in for at least another month.

I find it all a little frightening. And I don’t respond well to fear. Every time the baby stands up in her highchair and launches herself from it I am afraid she has finally concussed, what with all of the blows she takes to the head being a crazy spider monkey. I am convinced that whenever a bump, wump, or CRASH is heard that a piece of furniture has come to life, trapping a small child beneath it, or the refrigerator has fallen on top of someone in an act of defiance for the state of its sticky shelves.

Whenever someone stumbles or face-plants on the sidewalk, or one of the kids starts pulling at their ear I see visions of our entire family in rags, destitute and living under a bridge somewhere with the flaps of our cardboard house fluttering in the arctic life-sucking wind.

If I could I would cause the cessation of eating, bathing, driving, and general movement until such a time that if an accident were to occur during any of these activities it would be covered by traditional medical benefits. The only way I can see to accomplish this goal would be for all four of us to go into spontaneous comas simultaneously.

As I said before, I don’t respond well to fear. It makes certain chemicals in my brain go a little haywire and over stimulate my imagination. Whenever these fantastical thoughts threaten to spill over into my consciousness I put the rock of prayer on the lid so they can’t get out: “Dear Lord, here we go! 1-2-3 coma!” I’m still awake though; I don’t think He’s responding to the words of my prayer so much as the spirit behind them which is, “Dear Lord, You’re doing a great job taking care of my family- keep it up!”


Laura said...

It's amazing sometimes, how far God goes to test our faith, isn't it? I know He's got His hand on your family, and He's blessed you guys with Sean's job! Hooray!

fawndear said...

Fear... not fun. But hey, your living right so there are bound to be some blessing in disguise floating around. And if someone does get hurt I guess we'll just have to remember that it could have been worse.
And if you go destitute we've got a large tent and a nice backyard.

Ceidra said...

Haha this makes me laugh, Fafer, as usual. I want a signed copy of your book when it comes out, then I'll wait til you're famous and sell it on Ebay!