You Know This Means War

For three or four glorious days it looked like my handiwork was keeping the crappy kitties away. Today the joker of the group decided it would be funny to poop directly onto one of my bamboo stakes. I may be perplexed as to how he managed it, but I am certainly far from amused. Very, very far from it. Immediate action: augment with toothpicks; next step: make a solution of chili powder, cayenne pepper, and water to douse the area. I am also thinking of installing some lovely low-growing needled evergreens. They are much pokier than tiny wooden spears that are used to pick up party wieners and cubes of cheese.

Kitty Kabob

It is too soon to tell if my booby-trapped garden will keep the cats away. The good news is that the little army of spikes blends well into the mulch and don’t cause themselves to be an eyesore; the bad news is that they blend well into the mulch. What I mean to say is that I was out there re-arranging the skewers in a sparsely pointed area and I speared myself in the flip-flop.

The first night I found myself straining to hear the howl of a cat caught by surprise as I lay in bed. That sounds cruel, I know, but I cannot stress enough how sick I am of cleaning the great outdoor litter box that was once my garden. I didn’t hear anything other than the rain beating upon the pavement and the howl of the wind through the trees.

During the second night I forsook my straining ears with a small amount of guilt at the maniacal laughter that bubbled up in my throat at the thought of a yelping heiny-poked kitty cat. My husband thought I was being cruel and he all of a sudden expressed some concern over the poor feline’s paw pads. I certainly do not condone cruelty to animals (both of our pet cats were once strays); but I also do not sanction cruelty towards people, and I really feel as though these creatures are being unkind to me by defecating on my plants.

There was a little bit of mulch displaced this morning. I didn’t notice any feces, however, and there weren’t large quantities of brightly colored flies buzzing around. As the budget allows, I will continue to fill the space with pretty smelling flowers and small shrubs. I am hoping that this will not only improve the appearance of the bed, but also shrink the amount of space left for the evacuation of bodily fluids by our friendly neighborhood pestilence propagators.

Feral Felines

There are certain things that should just not be allowed. Like the constant defecating of the neighborhood stray cats in my front garden area. The nice lady across the street feeds these nasty menacing creatures and then they slink over to our side of the street to relieve their bowels. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you; don’t poop on the property that nourishes you; don’t pee on the pants that bring tasty morsels. Or something like that. Almost daily for the last couple of weeks there have been flies buzzing about a newly sodden area looking for a moistly-warm spot to lay their yucky little eggs or whatever it is that nasty green flies lay.

The front landscaping is only about a month old and is still under construction. We have planted two beds so far and the one is a lovely mounded area with daylilies and an Arborvitae and it hasn’t been touched. The other spot contains mostly pachysandra and a stickly looking tree that my husband bought from a stranger for two dollars. A portion of this section seems to be ideal for mangy kitties to bury their doo-doo. I do not enjoy removing feces from my yard, but today was the kicker. It would seem that I missed some a couple of days ago because when I went to get rid of it the area was writhing with maggots. I have never before seen a baby-fly nursery and I am very impressed with myself for finishing the task without vomiting.

I found a long list of things to try in an online forum. This afternoon I stuck bamboo skewers in the ground at intervals. Hopefully there will be enough pointiness to discourage any crouching and pooping. Next time I go to the grocery store I am going to purchase a large container of super dusty black pepper to spread atop the mulch. I may also try some of the more pleasant suggestions, like planting lavender, but if I notice any cats roaming the area with a limp and a sneeze I’ll know they were using the public toilet in my front yard.