The new Swan Lake

Here we are again. The dawn of winter is upon us: in a few short days it will be November. The cold weather requires much preparation to go out of doors with little faces, heads and legs. We shall call the following paragraph, “the Psychotic Ballet of Preparation for an Average Winter Outing.”

Firstly, one must decide if one has sufficient energy to attempt such a trial. If one decides in the negative then all one must do is to find a safe place to sip hot cocoa so as not to be consistently jostled causing one to spill the steaming beverage on oneself or the kiddos. If, however, one decides to embark upon the journey it is always wise to defer it until all children are possessed of a full tummy. This will make the excursion much more pleasant for all involved, and dramatically reduce the amount of whining. One should also make sure that all babies have dry, clean diapers. This is done for two reasons: in hopes that they will not need to be changed during the outing; and also because wet diapers are uncomfortable at any time, especially when they become wet and cold. The next order of business would be to check that mommy’s bag is properly stocked with all of the necessities: munchies for the toddler, wipes, diapers, extra clothes in case of a diaper malfunction, wallet, keys, cell phone, sippy cup, etc. Now comes the “bundling up” that is a well loved past time with all mommies. Shoes/boots, coat, hat, scarf, mittens. Repeat as required until all little people are properly dressed. Do not skip any steps or one may suffer the remarks of strangers who wonder loudly as to why the baby doesn’t have her head covered. At this time one or all of the kids may have decided it would be a good time to poop. Since it would be a wretched idea to take the baby out in this condition, however tempting it may be, one must undress, change, and re-dress the child. It is now time to wrestle the transformed marshmallow offspring into the vehicle. Please note that it can be difficult for the toddler to get to the car without falling over at least once due to the restriction of the winter clothing ensemble. Once everyone is settled into their car seats and smothered with blankets to ward off the cold it is time to adjust the heat and put the car into drive (it may be wise to warm up the car ahead of time).

This ballet, as we have called it, can take an average of seventy-five to ninety minutes. All of this to run to the grocery store because one is out of milk.