Monday, July 20, 2009

I'm Still Mommy, Even When I'm Alone

I found myself childless and without a husband Saturday afternoon: Daddy was at work and the kids had gone to the pool with their Nana and Auntie B. Being eight months pregnant and unable to stand/walk for long periods of time without having extremely uncomfortable pains in my child-bearing regions, I could not go anywhere to meander and window shop at my leisure; I couldn’t even go to the fabric store and touch the bolts and admire the wonderful texture of linens. In other words, I was alone in the house.

It’s kind of an awkward feeling, being in a place that is so often filled with the sound of singing children, arguing children, children running around in circles. A place that was silenced suddenly and now held the sound of a clock ticking, the hum of the refrigerator, the tumble of some clothes in the dryer.

Awkward yes, but also peaceful because at least I knew that the children would be back to fill it with noise again and to tug at my dress, mommy I need a drink; the toys that now lied undisturbed would soon be grasped by two sets of little hands, that’s my car!; sweet little mouths would again pucker up to my own, I love you mommy.

But there is still something strange about lying down for a nap without another warm body, something unnerving about the absence of small bodies climbing on mine. I knew that it would be foolish to deny my tired and very pregnant body a chance to rest, so I forced my busy hands to stop and I stretched out on the couch. After a few minutes I called one of the cats over to lie with me.

Empty house and all, I was still Mommy and that spot in my chest that craves the comfort of something small and warm was crying out to be satisfied. The cat couldn’t quite fulfill that need, but he would have to do. He would just have to do.


TMCPhoto said...

I know that feeling, I usually use one of the many stuffed toys she loves the most to hold during those times, it's oddly comforting; or maybe not so odd.

fawndear said...

My animals would have run screaming, I mean yowling if I tried to snuggle up. I usually make do with stuffed animals. I do however enjoy the quite times. I'm sure I'll go positivly mad when the kids have all grown up and left the home. Unless I've grandkids around to snuggle. Once you have children, your life isn't complete without them.
Always love your writing.
Hope you last month flys quickly.

Granddad said...

It's hard to believe that in a couple short months that you two younger sisters will follow you and Bethany out the door. You know how I hate quiet. I'll either get used to it or go nuts. Any wagers?